I was not cut out to empty nest

My journey as a mom started when I was only 20 years old. So I guess you could say that I took care of someone other than myself pretty much my whole adult life. Looking back, I’m confident it’s my most favorite job and most rewarding part of being here. I remember dropping Gavin off at OSU like it was yesterday. It was a warm super sunny day that seemed to arrive far to quick! Because possessions had never been important to him everything fit into two cars, including his brother, myself, and Dad, Mandee, and Kaia. We set his tiny dorm up pretty quick, I remember dad having trouble with putting together a plastic set of drawers for his things, it took him and Gavin and Mas to finally figure it out lol. I remember watching Kaia run across the grass of the dorm and tearing up thinking it was just yesterday Gavin would run around the same way. We went to Kroger to set him up with snacks and whatever would fit into the mini fridge. It was as we were checking out at the grocery that I remember feeling heavy in my heart… knowing this was real. I traveled often for work as my boys grew up and truly never expected to have this day hit me as hard as it did. I even encouraged G to go to school out of state, spread your wings while your young. We visited colleges in California, Tulane in New Orleans, Clemson… you get the idea. Well, dad said goodbye to Gavin in the parking lot of Kroger and I lost it. I jumped in my car and cried as I saw them hug. I remember thinking, what the hell Shannon he’s two hours away and this is his next step. I told myself that for weeks after but it took some time to get used to his HUGE presence not being at home. Anyway once we put his groceries away it was just he and I in that small room. I remember hugging him and not wanting to ever let go. He said ‘Ma, your makeup is all over my shirt’ I didn’t care and I knew I could get the stain out anyway lol. I finally let go and said I love you, please call me, make good choices, have fun, and call me.

I cried the whole way home. I’m crying again as I type this. I’m so proud of my two boys. I don’t think it’s possible to be any prouder of anything. Mason and I continued on at home, it was a bit quieter. We loved visiting G and things eventually got better for me and my heartache. I guess that experience prepared me for 3 years later when I dropped Mas off at OU. That, and it was covid, the feelings were the same but the scene was much different. I had just spent the last 6 months home in quarantine for most of it with both my boys. I was a bit more familiar with what I was going to feel when I dropped him off. I’ll say this much, nothing changed. I take care of dozens of plants now and that green family is ever growing with Mas in his junior year. I still cry into his shoulder when I leave him at school, or when he leaves after a long break. I sometimes countdown until the next time he will be home. I love making his room feel cozy and honestly just love having him home. Rocky River feels more alive when the kids are back home, all of them! I know its ok to feel all the feelings and that the quiet makes him being back home that much sweeter. I’m trying not to think about next year and all the ‘lasts’ trying to live in the moment and enjoy every minute when my house feels full (with kids, not plants lol) Senior year will be here before I know it but I’m going to focus on planning my trip to OU for mom’s weekend in a few weeks! One thing is for sure, when people with older kids say it goes fast… take it from me, it does!